Weekly meeting with my Therapist

Arrived a bit late for my appointment today as I was tied up with my monthly weigh-in and the two appointments unfortunately collided.  All was well.  Discussed being assertive without the arrogance factor.  He is always telling me that I do not have room in my life for anyone whom does not treat me with love and respect.  If hes said this once hes said it a hundred times.  And not for nothing, but he is right.  My therapist is a recovered alcoholic of many years.  He truly understands the addiction process.  He told me when he stopped drinking that he had many tough decisions he had to make.  The biggest was to end all relationships where alcohol was their commonality.  He no longer had anything in common with these people, as they were not on the sobriety path that he chose to now follow.  I am starting to understand that way of thinking.  Its not becoming a jerk, is realizing survival. 

I have not always been able to face my feelings and emotions head-on.  When I would become emotional in any way, I would eat.  The definition of insanity.  Doing the same action, expecting a different result.  Not that I dont eat now, but I am learning to eat because I am hungry and I am fueling my body.  Not because I am emotional.  I am so much stronger than I was when I first started this journey.  I am better.  I like me.  Its been a while.  I will not be meeting with my therapist the week of the 4th of june as he will be away, but will see him again on the 11th.  Its the most amazing feeling when you contol what goes into your mouth, and not have what goes into your mouth control you.  Food really tastes good.

Month 5 Weigh-In

This morning I had my month 5 physician directed diet/exercise weight management weigh in.  I was happy to see that I had dropped 2 more pounds.  Seems like very little over a months time, however a blessing in my eyes.  The scale has always been something that I would avoid at all costs.  Normally each time I would step on one, the number would always increase from the last time.  Its nice to now see the number decrease or even remain the same.  The final weigh-in will be in the month of June.  Amen.  Also in June, I have my Upper GI Endoscopy, my meeting with the surgeon, and my pre-op class.  By far June will be the busier month in this journey.  I am anticipating my turn in the operating room in July.  A new day has come.

Met With My Therapist Today...

My weekly visit went rather well.  It had been 2 weeks since i have been in to see my therpaist.  He had to take friday the 14th off due to a work conference.  Seems like I had so much to talk about, and almost felt a bit silent.  Funny how that works.  I am never at a loss for words, nor do I ever sit on my tongue.  I must be feeling a bit under the weather.  We discussed changing some of my current behaviors to incorporate them into my new life.  He doesnt want me to wear all black ensembles any longer.  Black is the obvious choice for many reasons.  For one, its very slimming, and I feel a sense of security.  I do realize how crazy it sounds, but I am willing to work on these changes.  Today for example he noticed me walking from my vehicle to his office in a sweater, which was dark navy blue, black pants, and a hat.  He said that people actually are looking at me because of my attire on an 80 degree day, & not the fact that I am obese.   He told me that this outfit worked in winter, but not on a humid spring day. 

I did tell him that I would look forward to that one per week that I would not wear anything black, under his advisement.  OMG.  What day will it be?  I am sure it will be a spur of the moment thing.  I was thinking that I would do it on the day of my appointment with him, so he would at least know that I am making the effort of change.  Won't he be suprised when I see him next time.  Let the comments roll.  Also I am prone to wearing hats of many a style.  I am not sure why I do it exactly, however I am leaning to the security thing.  I need to find a hat that is more airy and breezy for the weather.  I will work on that ASAP.  We discussed the Psychological Evaluation that he sent to the Bariatric Coordinator with some positive accolades that he presented about my progress in this journey.  I need to recognize those achievements as well, regardless of how small I feel they are.  I am now truly believing that  I will definately be ready when its my day in the operating room.  I now live for lightbulb moments. 

New Years Eve Dinner

Gram's 89th Birthday...March 17th 2010

June Appointments

Spoke with the Bariatric Bypass Coordinator this morning. Hurray! My June appointmens are SCHEDULED!! I am now doing the happy dance. On the 9th, I will be meeting with the APRN and Dietician for my 2nd visit with them both. Also on that day, I will be having an Upper GI Endoscopy. I must admit that I am a little nervous which is natural, but heading forward regardless. On the 15th I am meeting with the Bariatric Surgeon and awaiting final insurance approval. On the 18th I will be attending my final pre-op class with other bariatric candidates. I have never wanted something more in my life, than I want this. I choose life.

Talking with "PINAUD" always inspires me...

Had the amazing opportunity to speak with my cousin this evening on Facebook. She said to me that I will do this, and told me the reasons why. Because I am finally doing it for myself and my health. Shes right.

I have always appreciated and welcomed her opinion. Thank you for yet again, living up to that standard. Your right. Everyone kept saying.. lose weight, go on a diet, blah blah blah.. I had to be ready for me. Granted i have been on a gazillion diets before, they were all trial runs for the one that will finally do it. A lifestye change. I am heading to the finish line. I will finish strong and I will finish proud in knowing I can do it, and I am worth it.

Tammy you have touched my life in so many ways, and the one thing that I truly want you to remember now and always.... I love you.

I will play my tambourine again.