Weigh in day with the doctor. This day always brings about some anxiety and big hopes for a substantial weight loss. I wore a pair of outdoor shorts under my pants and chose a form fitted stretch Under Armour shirt for its lightweight qualitites. Waiting for them to call my name is rather annoying and exciting at the same time. There is so much emotion going thru my mind on these weigh-in days that each one always brings something new. When i got on the scale, I removed my pants, socks, shoes, watch, eyeglasses, hat and anything else I could get away with. Every ounce counts at this point in the game. I watched the number appear in digital format in the screen which is just below eye level for me at 5'7". The number read 375.2, and I was feeling disappointed. Without question it was a loss, yet only 2 lbs from the previous months weigh-in. The nurse noticed my face and said, "At least you didnt gain" and she is right. My requirement is to lose every month of the 6 months monitored diet, stay the same weight, but never gain. If you gain any amouth of weight, regardless of the reason, your 6 months starts over again from day one. Which is my biggest fear each time I stand on the scale for the size 8 nurse whom has never had to deal with weight issues herself. Must be nice. LOL The doctor increased my physical activity today from 15 mins in the am and 15 minutes in the pm, for 5 days, to 25 minutes in the am, and 25 minutes in the pm, for at least 6 days. He also lowered my daily calorie intake from 2200 cals a day to 1900. "Basic physics he always tells me" "You have to burn off more than you take in. Bottom line." Again very hard to hear from someone in optimum fitness. But truly who better to hear it from.
For years I always hid my feelings and emotions behind food, and until my late 30's I am just starting to realize that I am a Food Addict. The first time that I had to say those words, I felt quite embarassed. But the harsh reality is just that. I am addicted to food. Instead of using it to nourish and fuel my body, I have always used it as a mood alterer. Continuing my Psychotherapy in food addiction has been a big struggle and some days almost unbearable. I started sessions the last friday in October of 2009. My sessions are usually 50 minutes long, and I need to drive about 45 minutes to get to them. They are tentatively every friday, right up until approximately 6 weeks post surgery. My therapist whom I call "Stalin" is really a big key to my success, as just like the Bariatic Bypass Surgery, is just a tool to the final goal.
My session went well today. Stalin agreed to increase my activity level and to my amazement suggested yoga. I guess we will see where that leads. Homework involved staying mindful of what I am doing in each and every moment in my life, and keep focused on the ultimate goal. ME. Its been very hard for me adjusting to this new lifestyle, as I have never put myself first and am in the process of changing that. I said to stalin "If you ask any given person at random, Who is the most important person in your life?" 9 out of 10 times the person will list someone other than themselves. Thats my biggest problem. I have to put me first in order for this invasive surgery to be the intricate tool to achieve a healthy lifestyle.
My next session is next friday the 7th of May. To be honest, I railed against the sessions at first, and now secretly, I look forward to them. Working on cleaing out all the negativity in my life. I need to be stress, panic, and anxiety free for weeks before surgery. Now is the time to 86 the gloom and doom. Have a great night. See you tomorrow.
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