Weekly meeting with my Therapist

Arrived a bit late for my appointment today as I was tied up with my monthly weigh-in and the two appointments unfortunately collided.  All was well.  Discussed being assertive without the arrogance factor.  He is always telling me that I do not have room in my life for anyone whom does not treat me with love and respect.  If hes said this once hes said it a hundred times.  And not for nothing, but he is right.  My therapist is a recovered alcoholic of many years.  He truly understands the addiction process.  He told me when he stopped drinking that he had many tough decisions he had to make.  The biggest was to end all relationships where alcohol was their commonality.  He no longer had anything in common with these people, as they were not on the sobriety path that he chose to now follow.  I am starting to understand that way of thinking.  Its not becoming a jerk, is realizing survival. 

I have not always been able to face my feelings and emotions head-on.  When I would become emotional in any way, I would eat.  The definition of insanity.  Doing the same action, expecting a different result.  Not that I dont eat now, but I am learning to eat because I am hungry and I am fueling my body.  Not because I am emotional.  I am so much stronger than I was when I first started this journey.  I am better.  I like me.  Its been a while.  I will not be meeting with my therapist the week of the 4th of june as he will be away, but will see him again on the 11th.  Its the most amazing feeling when you contol what goes into your mouth, and not have what goes into your mouth control you.  Food really tastes good.

Month 5 Weigh-In

This morning I had my month 5 physician directed diet/exercise weight management weigh in.  I was happy to see that I had dropped 2 more pounds.  Seems like very little over a months time, however a blessing in my eyes.  The scale has always been something that I would avoid at all costs.  Normally each time I would step on one, the number would always increase from the last time.  Its nice to now see the number decrease or even remain the same.  The final weigh-in will be in the month of June.  Amen.  Also in June, I have my Upper GI Endoscopy, my meeting with the surgeon, and my pre-op class.  By far June will be the busier month in this journey.  I am anticipating my turn in the operating room in July.  A new day has come.

Met With My Therapist Today...

My weekly visit went rather well.  It had been 2 weeks since i have been in to see my therpaist.  He had to take friday the 14th off due to a work conference.  Seems like I had so much to talk about, and almost felt a bit silent.  Funny how that works.  I am never at a loss for words, nor do I ever sit on my tongue.  I must be feeling a bit under the weather.  We discussed changing some of my current behaviors to incorporate them into my new life.  He doesnt want me to wear all black ensembles any longer.  Black is the obvious choice for many reasons.  For one, its very slimming, and I feel a sense of security.  I do realize how crazy it sounds, but I am willing to work on these changes.  Today for example he noticed me walking from my vehicle to his office in a sweater, which was dark navy blue, black pants, and a hat.  He said that people actually are looking at me because of my attire on an 80 degree day, & not the fact that I am obese.   He told me that this outfit worked in winter, but not on a humid spring day. 

I did tell him that I would look forward to that one per week that I would not wear anything black, under his advisement.  OMG.  What day will it be?  I am sure it will be a spur of the moment thing.  I was thinking that I would do it on the day of my appointment with him, so he would at least know that I am making the effort of change.  Won't he be suprised when I see him next time.  Let the comments roll.  Also I am prone to wearing hats of many a style.  I am not sure why I do it exactly, however I am leaning to the security thing.  I need to find a hat that is more airy and breezy for the weather.  I will work on that ASAP.  We discussed the Psychological Evaluation that he sent to the Bariatric Coordinator with some positive accolades that he presented about my progress in this journey.  I need to recognize those achievements as well, regardless of how small I feel they are.  I am now truly believing that  I will definately be ready when its my day in the operating room.  I now live for lightbulb moments. 

New Years Eve Dinner

Gram's 89th Birthday...March 17th 2010

June Appointments

Spoke with the Bariatric Bypass Coordinator this morning. Hurray! My June appointmens are SCHEDULED!! I am now doing the happy dance. On the 9th, I will be meeting with the APRN and Dietician for my 2nd visit with them both. Also on that day, I will be having an Upper GI Endoscopy. I must admit that I am a little nervous which is natural, but heading forward regardless. On the 15th I am meeting with the Bariatric Surgeon and awaiting final insurance approval. On the 18th I will be attending my final pre-op class with other bariatric candidates. I have never wanted something more in my life, than I want this. I choose life.

Talking with "PINAUD" always inspires me...

Had the amazing opportunity to speak with my cousin this evening on Facebook. She said to me that I will do this, and told me the reasons why. Because I am finally doing it for myself and my health. Shes right.

I have always appreciated and welcomed her opinion. Thank you for yet again, living up to that standard. Your right. Everyone kept saying.. lose weight, go on a diet, blah blah blah.. I had to be ready for me. Granted i have been on a gazillion diets before, they were all trial runs for the one that will finally do it. A lifestye change. I am heading to the finish line. I will finish strong and I will finish proud in knowing I can do it, and I am worth it.

Tammy you have touched my life in so many ways, and the one thing that I truly want you to remember now and always.... I love you.

I will play my tambourine again.

Happy Mother's Day

This goes out to my mom, and every mom, that should enjoy their day to shine. My mom and my mother-in-law both need to find some peace and solace for the day. I wish them tranquility. Friday's bariatric therapy went well. I will not be going on the 14th as my therapist has a conference for work, and will see him next on the 21st. Should have lots to tell him by then. Looking forward to making my future appointments and continuing in my journey.

Made contact today with an old friend, and it was if time stood still. Our visit went very well and I am already planning our next time together. Was really refreshing and amazingly needed. I feel good today.

Bea Arthur on The Rosie O'Donnell Show

Spoke with Bariatric Coordinator

Was able to reach the Bariatric Coordinator today as a follow-up from my first vistit and schedule the second. I do have to have an Upper Endoscopy at my next visit, after visiting with the Dietician & APRN. They are scheduling out to mid-June as of now. I will wait to hear back from the hospital as to when the appointment will be. Purchased the necessary multi-vitamins and B12 needed to keep my levels up until my next lab work. All is well and the journey continues.

Today Was A Success

Arrived at the hospital at 8:40 a.m. My appointment was at 9. I should have followed the directions to the parking garage and use that entrance to the hospital. Instead, I used the main entrance and had to treck it to the registration desk at the other side of the building. Looking back now, it was good to get the exercise, but I think next time, its parking garage for me! Met with the programs dietician for an hour. Went very well. Just realized that chocolate in not one of the major food groups. Who woulda thought?

Also met with the Nurse Practicioner/Clinical Program Direcor of the Bariatric Surgery Clinic, for an hour as well. Both visits were very informative. Received a new 78 page packet for the Bariatic procedures. Read it, and re-read it, was the motto of the packet. Education is key in making informed choices.

Have to take Vitamin B12 dots, 500 mcg (sublingual) under the tongue once a day. I was informed that I do need an Upper GI Endoscopy, which I will need to be partially sedated for. It will be performed at my next scheduled visit, after I meet with the dietician and APRN again. No driving for me that day. Will take time for the effects of the sedation to wear off.

Was sent the lab today for a blood draw before I left the hospital. They wanted to check my Vit D deficiency since the last draw in Sept, of 2009. Also my B12 was on the low side as well. Hence the need for continued supplements.

My ongoing weight loss is encouraged. There is a NO WEIGHT GAIN POLICY between these visits. The surgeon may delay my surgery if I gain weight between visits.

Again I have to read the Bariatric Surgery Program Educational Handbook throughly, highlight important areas to remember. I will write down any questions that I may have to discuss at my next visit.

Its important to ask my doctor about medication suggestions if I currently take medications that are larger than the size of a tylenol. Large pills need to be crushed or taken in liquid form for TWO WEEKS after surgery. Diabetic oral medication often does not need to be taken after surgery.

Read all food labels.

Aim for 30 minutes of exericise that you can do safely every day, which can be divided into 10 minute blocks. Exercise is an important habit to start prior to surgery. Successful gastric bypass patients exercise regularly.

Very anxious to hear back with my next appointment.
Glad to be home. Been up since 5 am. Nite.

Twas the night before the first visit....

Early to bed, early to rise. 9 - 11 am appointment tomorrow morning with the Bariatric Dietician, and Program ARNP. I am really calm, yet very excited. The end of the journey is in the distance. Have some homework to do on my food journal before I leave in the morning for my appointments. Being accountable for everything that you eat is not as enjoyable as I anticipated. One day, it will be subjected to memory I am sure.

Getting Ready For My First Appointment

Heading into the month of May with a bang. May 4th. My first visit will be with the Bariatric Dietician, followed by meeting with the program coordinator whom makes sure all my eggs are in a row. I never thought I would be so anxious to go to a doctors appointment, as normally I avoid health issues. As I continue with my food diary which i had to journal for 7-consecutive days for review. I am anxious to hear the feedback of my nutrition choices. Even though I have been enrolled in this endeavor since January of 2009, I think going to my first of three appointments will make this journey a reality. Its been a long road. The Bariatric team continues to express that the easy part is now. I beg to differ.

In my earlier years I was always "fly by the seat of my pants" and change was not an issue. Now as i progress in age, I am finding myself seeking solace in whats to happen. Each day I wake up and thank god for making me see the light. This process is changing my life, in a good way. Change is happening, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

May.. Month 5 Begins

My first evaluation appointment with the Bariatric Surgery team will be made after I have completed Steps One through Six. That being said, my first evaluation is tuesday, May 4th. I am very excited.

These evaluations will include time with the Bariatric Surgery Program nurse practitioner and dietitian. At the first visit, on May 4th, prior dieting attempts, as well as dietary and lifestyle changes will be reviewed by the dietitian. My medical and surgical history will be reviewed by the nurse practitioner, and an assessment of the need for any additional testing and evaluations will be made. Their goal is to make my surgery as safe as possible. I will have a brief physicial exam. An assessment will me made as to my readiness to proceed with surgery. Let the countdown begin.