Bariatric Bypass Surgery a Success

Back home after having bariatric bypass surgery.  The journey to date has been long, however has just begun.  I need to heal and deal with the pain.  I will post as soon as I am able.  Its finally done.  I am on the road to recovering from obesity. 

Three Days left to surgery...

In the next three days I am going to take the time to be mindful and reflect on what means the most to me.  When you have been as obese as long as I have, you lose touch with the 'healthy and fit" people.  I am ready to experience that life.  Gradual is key, and all we have is time.  Surgery is just one tool in the facet of my weight loss journey.  I am looking forward to doing this with you.

ONE week from today....

I am down to one week before surgery.   I have been seeing my therapist since October and now realize my relationship with food can be healthy.  Emotional eating is something I have struggled with for years.  I am finally going to use food for its intended purpose.  Fuel for the body.  Not to bury feelings.  Today is actually the last visit with my therapist before I undergo my bypass.  Normally I see him on fridays, however with my grandmother's passing, I need Fri/Sat to help clean up her home and such.  Today is a good day.

8 days left

It is coming closer. I am starting to adapt to the diet with little resistance.  I can do this.  I will do this.  August 3rd, here I come.  Its a good day.

10 days left...

I have made it to the countdown of 10 days.  This journey has had its struggles, however I am in for the long haul.  If anyone tells you that the pre-op diet is easy.  They are lying. Trust me.  I agree with someone the I know that just had the surgery and said about day four, she was ready to eat the tires on her car.  There you have it.  I can do this.  There is no alternative.  I choose life.

Saturday is Verna's Day

On Saturday, July 17th, 2010, we will come together as a family to celebrate the life of my grandmother Verna.  Her showing will be from 11 - 1 pm.  Following the burial at the cemetary.  She was a strong willed person and a survivor.  She was granted her final wish.  I am sure she is already re-aquainted with my grandfather Phil.  I love you Gram.  Its a lot of work to be your Rebel.

A Celebration of life...

My grandmother Verna is in now in heaven with my grandfather Phil.  She passed away this evening at 11:15 pm.  We had just left the nursing home, and she passed 15 minutes later.  This was her last and final wish, and it was granted.  I love you gram.  Watch over us and we will meet again.  You are my angel.

My Grandmother

Today we received the devastating blow that my maternal grandmother Verna's cancer has returned and will be her detriment.  Since my grandfather's passing she has been very lonely and missing him.  She is the one whom is at peace and the rest of us are falling apart.  She has terrible peripheral edema in her legs, and is not doing well at all.  The physician told us that she has just over a month to live and we are extremely sad.  Words cannot express the love you feel for a grandparent, whom is also my God Mother.  I couldnt imagine my life without her in it.  Thank God I didnt have to.  She is ready to move on to the next phase of her existence.  I will enjoy every moment I have left.  She told me today that she wants to live long enough for me to undergo my Bariatric Bypass Surgery.  I pray that will be the case and we will both have our prayers answered.  This post is dedicated to my grandmother VERNA.  This is my year to shine, and her year to be guided by the light.  We will see each other again.  Thats a guarantee.  I love you gram. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!!

The air was so soaked with humidity today, I actually napped for the first time in ages.  Kirk and I went to the parade in the afternoon, and then back for the fireworks.  Was able to meet up with my friend "Sis" and her dad.  It was awesome.  We had a great time.  Good laughs and good company.  Its a 4th of July I thoroughly enjoyed.  My last 4th of July obese.  I have so much to be thankful for. 

Surgery Date

Its official.  I will have my bariatric bypass surgery on August 3rd, 2010.  Its so exciting for many, many reasons.  I love the number 3, so it also has some calming meaning as well.  When I got the call from the hospital today, it truly took my breath away.  I embark on this project with a modest prayer; that its outcome will be the best that is possible in whatever circumstances have unfolded by the time of its conclusion. A big part of my preparation for not only surgery, but the changes that I will be going thru post surgery, was my continued weekly psychotherapy.  My therapist is truly a master of his trade.  He has prepared me for coming to grips with the past, steering through the present and prepping for a brighter future. In its own mysterious way, this journey has let me read hidden pages in my autobiography...a diary I did not even know I was keeping, complete with a glimpse of what might be written on the pages ahead and advice on what I need to do to rewrite those pages to make a more satisfying story.  Tomorrow I will start the pre-op diet.  Its actually 2 weeks earlier than they would really like you to, however I want to make my surgical procedure as easy for the Doctor as possible.  Its going to be a very long month.  I am going to have 1,000 calories for the next seven days, then 900 calories for the following 7 days, then 800 calories daily for the final 2 weeks before surgery.  As overwhelming as these numbers may seem, I can do this.  I will do this.  I will never look back. 

Today changed my life

Just got the all so important call I have been waiting for.  I have been approved for my bariatric bypass surgery and couldnt be more thrilled  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    The news quite honestly took my breath away.  I will never look back while I am healing from obesity.  I can only move foward from this day on.  Thank you .

Tomorrow's Monday

Thinking about that all important phone call.  I am confident it will be this week. I will keep you posted. 

Patient Benefits

Spoke with someone in patient benefits today and no word on surgery approval yet.  Today was only the 5th business day since my packet was faxed to the insurance.  I am so excited and very anxious to get my date.  I told the woman that I spoke to that we need a code word.  I asked her just to say "YES" on my voicemail if I am unavailable.  That way I can get the anxiety over with.  LOL.. She said most people cannot stand it when she calls and shes the final step before surgery.  She said she will only say YES if all is well.  Things have worked so well to this point.  Monday is coming.  Tuesday just might be the day and call. 

Yet Another Symptom of Obesity

The humidity in the air the past few days has been aweful.  Almost crippling to people suffering from Obesity.  I know this feeling all too well.  I am using my inhalers more frequently and trying to stay out of the direct air.  One day it will be nice to not feel like I have taken a shower just by standing outside in humid conditions.  The feeling will be not be measurable.

I like Tuesdays

America's Got Talent & Losing it with Jillian is on tonight.  Primetime tueday is my favorite.  Just finished the show, "The Biggest Loser" & American Idol.  The seasons seem to pass quickly.  Thank god for DVR.  Who has time for commercials anymore?  LOL.  Today is business day 4 since I have seen the surgeon.  Can take from 7 - 10 business days for approval and surgery date.  I called yesterday, but unfortunately no answer as of yet.  I am sure I will hear soon.  The weather has been awesome.  Too bad summer ends very fast in Northern NH.  You think I would be used to it by now. 

Surgeons Visit

Today went much more pleasant than I anticipated.  I was with the Dr. for about 40 minutes.  He discussed at length the procedure itself, risks and side-effects, along with the benefits of having the surgery.  He answered all of our questions and was quite informative.  I am seeking solace in his ability to help me change my life.  Now I wait for a surgery date.  I have been anticipating this day for months.  Wonder became hope in just one visit. 

Tomorrow's Surgeon Visit

I am so excited.  Tomorrow I will meet with the surgeon who will be performing my Bariatric Bypass Surgery.  He holds a very important tool in my healing from obesity journey.  I have waited a very long time for this day and will not take a moment of it for granted. 

PRE-OP Class Happenings

Today was very informative and was glad to be a part of it.  What an amazing group of men and women ready to take control of their lives and beat the battle of obesity.  Diane was very informative and answered any last questions that all of us had at this point.  At the end of her lecture, she handed out wonderful samples of Protein Powders and such.  Following her presentation, we finished the class with a session from Maureen.  Shes always a delight to see and a truly a wealth of knowledge.  More questions and answers, yet this time there was a quiz that she passed around the room & each of us filled it out and turned it in.  With a passing grade you were handed your DHMC Certificate of Achievement, followed by an interactive DHMC CD to explore on your home PC.  Finally we received our Bariatric Surgery Discharge Information on paper & officially completed the journey to this point.  Last but not least, Allen, a very friendly fellow discussed Advanced Directives & Living Wills at length, and anyone interested in filling them out did so.  You could also take it with you and fill it out at home.  There were two separate forms.  One if you lived in NH, and one if you lived in VT.  Its been a long journey.  The finish line is in sight.  Thank you for allowing me to see the light.  I am blessed.

Tuesday I meet with the Bariatric Surgeon, which is the final step before I am given a surgery date.  Words cannot express how much this will change my life.  I feel great today.

Pre-Op Class

Just spoke with Julie this morning in the General Surgery Department, and was informed that the pre-op class which was scheduled for Friday, June 18th, has been changed and re-scheduled for tomorrow June11th at 9:00 am.  Neither one of the dieticians will be available next friday, hence the date change.  Hope to see everyone there and meet the people who are on the same journey.  Sleep tight.  See you tomorrow. 

Bariatric Surgery Program Second Visit

Met with the Bariatric Dietician first this morning at 9:00 am.  I saw someone different today as there are two program dietician's who switch off.  Very informative and pleasant to deal with.  Reviewed my diet and exercise from my food journal and exercise chart.  Also turned in my 6 - mos physician directed diet and exercise office notes for review.  Recommened to stay on the same path, increasing my protein consumption to a minimum of 60 grams per day.  All went well.

My second hour consisted of my second visit with the ARNP.  She reviewed what to expect in my afternoon Upper GI Endoscopy.  We then discussed my surgical consultation for next tuesday.  I lost 5.5 MORE POUNDS!!!!!!!  Very pleased.  Ongoing weight loss in encouraged.  There is a NO weight gain policy between visits.  The surgeon may opt to delay my surgery if I gain weight between any scheduled visits.  I was informed that the PRE-OP class may be rescheduled from the 18th of this month, to this coming friday the 11th.  Quicker than I anticipated, but ready none the less.   

She suggested that I prepare for the PRE-OP class by:
1.  Reviewing the program handbook and come to class with a list of questions.
2.  Watch the videos on shopping, meal planning and emotional eating on their website inder Bariatric Surgery.
3.  Go to RemedyMD and review the education materials.
4.  Come prepared to the class to discuss meal planning.
5.  Write a plan for a day, to include how you will reach the goals of adequate fluids, 60 grams of a protein a day, and taking the needed supplements.  Bring the plan to the class.
6.  Bring your supplements and medication you will be taking to prevent ulders after surgery.
7.  Come with tips and suggestions that may be helpful to others.

My BP was 123/81 today.  Which is fabulous for me.  For months it was uncontrolled. The med is working amazingly well.  I weighed in at 375.4 and started this journey at 425.  I have lost 50 lbs to date.  On my own, and has been very difficult.  But I did it.  And thats the point. 

At 12:00 I checked in the Endoscopy Suite to get ready for my Upper GI Endoscopy.  Truth be known, it really was as bad as I thought it was going to be.  It was the fear of the unknown .  They did a medical history with me, allergies, current meds, etc.  They proceeded to start the I.V. which normally I hate more than life itself, and to my suprise I hardly felt a thing.  The RN used a numbing agent first thats injected just below the skin and resembles a mosquito bite.  Then the I.V. is inserted through that spot.  Was really easy.  For me to say that, you can believe its true.  I am NEEDLE PHOBIC.  I did it.  Great job Nurse Anne.   Following the procedure the doctor reviewed the findings with me, and informed me that two biopsies were taken with a cold forceps for histology.  I tolerated the procedure well.  The Upper GI endoscopy was accomplished without difficulty.  My home care instructions are to notify the doctor if I develop: Any chills or a fever greater than 101, excessive pain, vomiting or bloating, vomiting blood, difficulty breathing or swallowing, or if I have any problems or have additional concerns.  All went well and I truly worried myself for nothing.  Would do the procedure again if needed.  I need to give myself more credit.  I am proud of myself today. 

Kent and I also saw an amazing sculpture of two nesting owl's on display at the DHMC Endoscopy wing.  I know for a fact that my Aunt Gloria's animal totem is the owl.  She would of loved this statue as much as we did.  Enjoy.

Tomorrow's Bariatric Appointments

About a half hour before bed, as I need to be up early tomorrow to head to my second bariatric visit with the ARNP and Dietician.  Very excited.  Have read and re-read the bariatric manual that they gave me at my last visit, and have my questions prepared.  Following these two appointments I will be going to have my Upper GI Endoscopy done.  Its funny, I wanted this time to get here so badly to be over with it, and now it is here and I sorta wish to have some of that time back.  Moral of the story, STOP wishing my life away.  Life happens.  Being mindful of the moment we are in, is what life truly is about.  That is all we have.  This moment.  I will be ok tomorrow.  What other choice do I have?  To not be ok?  Thats no fun.  I will update upon my return from the hospital.  OMG.. I was going to say, I hope I can speak then.  Then it dawned on me, that this is typing, not speaking.  LOL.. Blonde moment.  Laughing is good for the soul. 

Its Monday...

Hello to all.  Hope you didnt have as rainy and crappy of a weekend as we did.  Today there are some breaks of sun.  Definately something to look forward to.  Two days left until my next bariatric visit.  I have found that waiting for these appointments to happen, reminds me of the time that I was waiting to turn 21. It seemed to take forever to get here, and now I would like some of that time back.  Funny how that works.  Its true, once you hit 21, my god do the years fly.  Unfortunately so did my waist line.  I am looking ahead to an outif I haven't worn in years.  It will be a blessing to slip it on.  Pictures to follow. 

My Health Profile

      The second day to a really rainy and dreary weekend offered me a great deal of time to ponder my life and its direction.  I have a number of medical conditions that all seemed to be getting worse as the years are going on. I had been 230 or more pounds over my ideal weight for the vast majority of the last 20 years. I must have been blessed with good genetics because it took awhile for that abuse of my body to start breaking it down. But, good genetics or not, when my body started to break down, it took off with a vengeance. After I turned 35, I developed high-blood pressure.  I am a borderline diabetic and am headed for full-blown diabetes. I started having really bad lower back pain whenever I had to walk for more that a few minutes. I developed chronic pain in my left knee and developed severe lower leg edema.  I underwent a sleep study thru DHMC and found out not only do I have sleep apnea, but severe.  I was waking up 162 times (episodes) per hour during my old sleeping pattern.  I suffered from drooling, bed wetting, chronic snoring to list a few.  Having since been on my CPAP/BIPAP machine since December of 2008, has changed my life, for the better.  I now have 2 episodes per hour and wake up feeling better than I have in years.  Your body decides that breathing is more important than sleep, so that is why I woke so frequently before CPAP.  The next shoking news.  My family doctor told me that if I did not get the weight off, I was going to die in the near future. Things have gotten so bad that I literally cannot reach my feet to tie my own shoes.

     The term morbid obesity refers to patients who are 50 - 100% -- or 100 pounds above -- their ideal body weight. Alternatively, a BMI (body mass index) value greater than 39 may be used to diagnose morbid obesity.  My current BMI is 60.  Thats despicable.  Body mass index (BMI) is a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to both adult men and women. BMI Categories:




Underweight = <18.5

Normal weight = 18.5-24.9

Overweight = 25-29.9

Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater


Body Mass Index (BMI) is a number calculated from a person's weight and height. BMI provides a reliable indicator of body fatness for most people and is used to screen for weight categories that may lead to health problems.

Today has been a day of great sadness, however the realization of knowing that I am breaking the cycle of my morbid obesity makes it a bit brighter.  I have always said, "I have a thin inner child waiting to be born".  Their birthday is nearing & I am going to join everyone in welcoming them into the world with the greatest part of myself -- self- worth, self-esteem, & self-preservation. 

This Weeks Appointments

This is a week in my journey. Wednesday I am going for my 2nd Bariatric visit with the ARNP and Dietician. Also I am having and upper GI Endoscopy on the same day. Will be the first experience with the scope and feel my nerves. You make a choice and follow through. Bottom line. I choose to live.

'Golden Girl' Rue McClanahan Dies

Today is a day of great sadness. Rue McClanahan, the youngest of the four "Golden Girls," died of a stroke at the age of 76. With the passing of Rue McClanahan, only one of the original "Golden Girls" is still alive. Bea Arthur died in April of 2009 and Estelle Getty passed away in 2008. Betty White — who just hoste......d "Saturday Night Live" in May and is the oldest of the four — is the last surviving "Golden Girl."

June 1st, 2010

Happy June 1st.  Hopefully everyone made it through the Memorial Day Weekend rather unscathed, and was able to remember someone special in their life.  Three appointments for me this month.  I can now say I am having surgery next month, if all goes well.  Things are happening.  I am making them happen. 

Weekly meeting with my Therapist

Arrived a bit late for my appointment today as I was tied up with my monthly weigh-in and the two appointments unfortunately collided.  All was well.  Discussed being assertive without the arrogance factor.  He is always telling me that I do not have room in my life for anyone whom does not treat me with love and respect.  If hes said this once hes said it a hundred times.  And not for nothing, but he is right.  My therapist is a recovered alcoholic of many years.  He truly understands the addiction process.  He told me when he stopped drinking that he had many tough decisions he had to make.  The biggest was to end all relationships where alcohol was their commonality.  He no longer had anything in common with these people, as they were not on the sobriety path that he chose to now follow.  I am starting to understand that way of thinking.  Its not becoming a jerk, is realizing survival. 

I have not always been able to face my feelings and emotions head-on.  When I would become emotional in any way, I would eat.  The definition of insanity.  Doing the same action, expecting a different result.  Not that I dont eat now, but I am learning to eat because I am hungry and I am fueling my body.  Not because I am emotional.  I am so much stronger than I was when I first started this journey.  I am better.  I like me.  Its been a while.  I will not be meeting with my therapist the week of the 4th of june as he will be away, but will see him again on the 11th.  Its the most amazing feeling when you contol what goes into your mouth, and not have what goes into your mouth control you.  Food really tastes good.

Month 5 Weigh-In

This morning I had my month 5 physician directed diet/exercise weight management weigh in.  I was happy to see that I had dropped 2 more pounds.  Seems like very little over a months time, however a blessing in my eyes.  The scale has always been something that I would avoid at all costs.  Normally each time I would step on one, the number would always increase from the last time.  Its nice to now see the number decrease or even remain the same.  The final weigh-in will be in the month of June.  Amen.  Also in June, I have my Upper GI Endoscopy, my meeting with the surgeon, and my pre-op class.  By far June will be the busier month in this journey.  I am anticipating my turn in the operating room in July.  A new day has come.

Met With My Therapist Today...

My weekly visit went rather well.  It had been 2 weeks since i have been in to see my therpaist.  He had to take friday the 14th off due to a work conference.  Seems like I had so much to talk about, and almost felt a bit silent.  Funny how that works.  I am never at a loss for words, nor do I ever sit on my tongue.  I must be feeling a bit under the weather.  We discussed changing some of my current behaviors to incorporate them into my new life.  He doesnt want me to wear all black ensembles any longer.  Black is the obvious choice for many reasons.  For one, its very slimming, and I feel a sense of security.  I do realize how crazy it sounds, but I am willing to work on these changes.  Today for example he noticed me walking from my vehicle to his office in a sweater, which was dark navy blue, black pants, and a hat.  He said that people actually are looking at me because of my attire on an 80 degree day, & not the fact that I am obese.   He told me that this outfit worked in winter, but not on a humid spring day. 

I did tell him that I would look forward to that one per week that I would not wear anything black, under his advisement.  OMG.  What day will it be?  I am sure it will be a spur of the moment thing.  I was thinking that I would do it on the day of my appointment with him, so he would at least know that I am making the effort of change.  Won't he be suprised when I see him next time.  Let the comments roll.  Also I am prone to wearing hats of many a style.  I am not sure why I do it exactly, however I am leaning to the security thing.  I need to find a hat that is more airy and breezy for the weather.  I will work on that ASAP.  We discussed the Psychological Evaluation that he sent to the Bariatric Coordinator with some positive accolades that he presented about my progress in this journey.  I need to recognize those achievements as well, regardless of how small I feel they are.  I am now truly believing that  I will definately be ready when its my day in the operating room.  I now live for lightbulb moments. 

New Years Eve Dinner

Gram's 89th Birthday...March 17th 2010

June Appointments

Spoke with the Bariatric Bypass Coordinator this morning. Hurray! My June appointmens are SCHEDULED!! I am now doing the happy dance. On the 9th, I will be meeting with the APRN and Dietician for my 2nd visit with them both. Also on that day, I will be having an Upper GI Endoscopy. I must admit that I am a little nervous which is natural, but heading forward regardless. On the 15th I am meeting with the Bariatric Surgeon and awaiting final insurance approval. On the 18th I will be attending my final pre-op class with other bariatric candidates. I have never wanted something more in my life, than I want this. I choose life.

Talking with "PINAUD" always inspires me...

Had the amazing opportunity to speak with my cousin this evening on Facebook. She said to me that I will do this, and told me the reasons why. Because I am finally doing it for myself and my health. Shes right.

I have always appreciated and welcomed her opinion. Thank you for yet again, living up to that standard. Your right. Everyone kept saying.. lose weight, go on a diet, blah blah blah.. I had to be ready for me. Granted i have been on a gazillion diets before, they were all trial runs for the one that will finally do it. A lifestye change. I am heading to the finish line. I will finish strong and I will finish proud in knowing I can do it, and I am worth it.

Tammy you have touched my life in so many ways, and the one thing that I truly want you to remember now and always.... I love you.

I will play my tambourine again.

Happy Mother's Day

This goes out to my mom, and every mom, that should enjoy their day to shine. My mom and my mother-in-law both need to find some peace and solace for the day. I wish them tranquility. Friday's bariatric therapy went well. I will not be going on the 14th as my therapist has a conference for work, and will see him next on the 21st. Should have lots to tell him by then. Looking forward to making my future appointments and continuing in my journey.

Made contact today with an old friend, and it was if time stood still. Our visit went very well and I am already planning our next time together. Was really refreshing and amazingly needed. I feel good today.

Bea Arthur on The Rosie O'Donnell Show

Spoke with Bariatric Coordinator

Was able to reach the Bariatric Coordinator today as a follow-up from my first vistit and schedule the second. I do have to have an Upper Endoscopy at my next visit, after visiting with the Dietician & APRN. They are scheduling out to mid-June as of now. I will wait to hear back from the hospital as to when the appointment will be. Purchased the necessary multi-vitamins and B12 needed to keep my levels up until my next lab work. All is well and the journey continues.

Today Was A Success

Arrived at the hospital at 8:40 a.m. My appointment was at 9. I should have followed the directions to the parking garage and use that entrance to the hospital. Instead, I used the main entrance and had to treck it to the registration desk at the other side of the building. Looking back now, it was good to get the exercise, but I think next time, its parking garage for me! Met with the programs dietician for an hour. Went very well. Just realized that chocolate in not one of the major food groups. Who woulda thought?

Also met with the Nurse Practicioner/Clinical Program Direcor of the Bariatric Surgery Clinic, for an hour as well. Both visits were very informative. Received a new 78 page packet for the Bariatic procedures. Read it, and re-read it, was the motto of the packet. Education is key in making informed choices.

Have to take Vitamin B12 dots, 500 mcg (sublingual) under the tongue once a day. I was informed that I do need an Upper GI Endoscopy, which I will need to be partially sedated for. It will be performed at my next scheduled visit, after I meet with the dietician and APRN again. No driving for me that day. Will take time for the effects of the sedation to wear off.

Was sent the lab today for a blood draw before I left the hospital. They wanted to check my Vit D deficiency since the last draw in Sept, of 2009. Also my B12 was on the low side as well. Hence the need for continued supplements.

My ongoing weight loss is encouraged. There is a NO WEIGHT GAIN POLICY between these visits. The surgeon may delay my surgery if I gain weight between visits.

Again I have to read the Bariatric Surgery Program Educational Handbook throughly, highlight important areas to remember. I will write down any questions that I may have to discuss at my next visit.

Its important to ask my doctor about medication suggestions if I currently take medications that are larger than the size of a tylenol. Large pills need to be crushed or taken in liquid form for TWO WEEKS after surgery. Diabetic oral medication often does not need to be taken after surgery.

Read all food labels.

Aim for 30 minutes of exericise that you can do safely every day, which can be divided into 10 minute blocks. Exercise is an important habit to start prior to surgery. Successful gastric bypass patients exercise regularly.

Very anxious to hear back with my next appointment.
Glad to be home. Been up since 5 am. Nite.

Twas the night before the first visit....

Early to bed, early to rise. 9 - 11 am appointment tomorrow morning with the Bariatric Dietician, and Program ARNP. I am really calm, yet very excited. The end of the journey is in the distance. Have some homework to do on my food journal before I leave in the morning for my appointments. Being accountable for everything that you eat is not as enjoyable as I anticipated. One day, it will be subjected to memory I am sure.

Getting Ready For My First Appointment

Heading into the month of May with a bang. May 4th. My first visit will be with the Bariatric Dietician, followed by meeting with the program coordinator whom makes sure all my eggs are in a row. I never thought I would be so anxious to go to a doctors appointment, as normally I avoid health issues. As I continue with my food diary which i had to journal for 7-consecutive days for review. I am anxious to hear the feedback of my nutrition choices. Even though I have been enrolled in this endeavor since January of 2009, I think going to my first of three appointments will make this journey a reality. Its been a long road. The Bariatric team continues to express that the easy part is now. I beg to differ.

In my earlier years I was always "fly by the seat of my pants" and change was not an issue. Now as i progress in age, I am finding myself seeking solace in whats to happen. Each day I wake up and thank god for making me see the light. This process is changing my life, in a good way. Change is happening, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

May.. Month 5 Begins

My first evaluation appointment with the Bariatric Surgery team will be made after I have completed Steps One through Six. That being said, my first evaluation is tuesday, May 4th. I am very excited.

These evaluations will include time with the Bariatric Surgery Program nurse practitioner and dietitian. At the first visit, on May 4th, prior dieting attempts, as well as dietary and lifestyle changes will be reviewed by the dietitian. My medical and surgical history will be reviewed by the nurse practitioner, and an assessment of the need for any additional testing and evaluations will be made. Their goal is to make my surgery as safe as possible. I will have a brief physicial exam. An assessment will me made as to my readiness to proceed with surgery. Let the countdown begin.

Month 4 Weigh In...

Weigh in day with the doctor. This day always brings about some anxiety and big hopes for a substantial weight loss. I wore a pair of outdoor shorts under my pants and chose a form fitted stretch Under Armour shirt for its lightweight qualitites. Waiting for them to call my name is rather annoying and exciting at the same time. There is so much emotion going thru my mind on these weigh-in days that each one always brings something new. When i got on the scale, I removed my pants, socks, shoes, watch, eyeglasses, hat and anything else I could get away with. Every ounce counts at this point in the game. I watched the number appear in digital format in the screen which is just below eye level for me at 5'7". The number read 375.2, and I was feeling disappointed. Without question it was a loss, yet only 2 lbs from the previous months weigh-in. The nurse noticed my face and said, "At least you didnt gain" and she is right. My requirement is to lose every month of the 6 months monitored diet, stay the same weight, but never gain. If you gain any amouth of weight, regardless of the reason, your 6 months starts over again from day one. Which is my biggest fear each time I stand on the scale for the size 8 nurse whom has never had to deal with weight issues herself. Must be nice. LOL The doctor increased my physical activity today from 15 mins in the am and 15 minutes in the pm, for 5 days, to 25 minutes in the am, and 25 minutes in the pm, for at least 6 days. He also lowered my daily calorie intake from 2200 cals a day to 1900. "Basic physics he always tells me" "You have to burn off more than you take in. Bottom line." Again very hard to hear from someone in optimum fitness. But truly who better to hear it from.

For years I always hid my feelings and emotions behind food, and until my late 30's I am just starting to realize that I am a Food Addict. The first time that I had to say those words, I felt quite embarassed. But the harsh reality is just that. I am addicted to food. Instead of using it to nourish and fuel my body, I have always used it as a mood alterer. Continuing my Psychotherapy in food addiction has been a big struggle and some days almost unbearable. I started sessions the last friday in October of 2009. My sessions are usually 50 minutes long, and I need to drive about 45 minutes to get to them. They are tentatively every friday, right up until approximately 6 weeks post surgery. My therapist whom I call "Stalin" is really a big key to my success, as just like the Bariatic Bypass Surgery, is just a tool to the final goal.

My session went well today. Stalin agreed to increase my activity level and to my amazement suggested yoga. I guess we will see where that leads. Homework involved staying mindful of what I am doing in each and every moment in my life, and keep focused on the ultimate goal. ME. Its been very hard for me adjusting to this new lifestyle, as I have never put myself first and am in the process of changing that. I said to stalin "If you ask any given person at random, Who is the most important person in your life?" 9 out of 10 times the person will list someone other than themselves. Thats my biggest problem. I have to put me first in order for this invasive surgery to be the intricate tool to achieve a healthy lifestyle.

My next session is next friday the 7th of May. To be honest, I railed against the sessions at first, and now secretly, I look forward to them. Working on cleaing out all the negativity in my life. I need to be stress, panic, and anxiety free for weeks before surgery. Now is the time to 86 the gloom and doom. Have a great night. See you tomorrow.

The realization of Morbid Obesity

I have always been a food person with a huge appetite. I indulge in everything from greasy fast food to decadent desserts. My portion control is nonexistent.

The most challenging thing for myself thus far,is adhering to a strict nutritional plan and cutting out most of my favorite "comfort" foods. I learned early on that these comfort foods were triggers and would instantly effect my appetite and the way I felt. If I have a tiny piece of dessert or some fast food, it triggers my hunger and its almost impossible to back down from eating more and more.

I am now realizing that food is a very powerful drug. I can use it to make myself very sick or I can decide to use it to optimally fuel and energize my body. I am now researching different foods and learning about the multitude of ways nutrient dense foods positively impact my body. Knowledge is power and learning how and what i'm eating is vitally important.

I describe myself as "the fat kid at school," even going back to kindergarten. It seemed like my food intake was always monitored, limited, and criticized. If it were an official category in the Guinness Book of World Records, I'd hold the title for the most diets attempted in a lifetime. During my 20's I had seen my fair share of therapists, doctors, and had been to countless weight clinics and programs. I had clinical diagnoses for depression and eating disorders, and had been hospitalized and medicated for both. "No matter how hard I tried, and no matter what I told myself each day, the binges would occur. Obesity penetrated every corner of my life. In many public restrooms I could not fit in the regular size stall and would have to use the handicapped one. If I flew anywhere, I had to buy two tickets and dehydrate myself so that I would not have to use the plane's bathroom during the flight—and just forget the whole seatbelt issue.

What I have tried to date has simply not been successful. I have been to weight watchers countless times, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig, Slim-Fast, Atkins, starvation, you name it. All to no avail. I would lose the weight without question, and subsequently put all of it back on with an additional 100 pounds or more. Its truly a sick vicious cycle. From experience, diets have not been successful for me. I have always been able to lose the weight, but unable to succeed in continued maintanence. This is truly the definition of Insanity. Doing the same behavior, and expecting a different result.

I was at a routine visit with my primary care doctor in the fall of 2008, which in fact was the visit that completely changed my life in so many ways. I had met with the nurse first who takes all of your information and vital signs prior to being seen by the physician. I was telling her about all of my hems and haws and whoa's is me issues. During this time she was called away breifly leaving me in the room to sit idle and think of my physical health and its direction, or lack there of. Curiosity got the best of me and I happened to glance at my chart, and quite honestly almost had a heart attack. The words MORBIDLY OBESE screamed at me as if they were jumping off the page and burning a hole in my soul. At that point, was the very first time in my life that i felt FAT. Prone to panic and anxiety, I instantly started to sweat, figit, and became extremely uncomfortable in my own skin.

During my session with my PCP, I expressed my concers about my health which is heading down the toilet in a spiraling manner. To date I have uncontrolled hypertension, severe sleep apnea, morbid obesity, periphial edema. diabetes, chronic fatigue, migraines, unable to stand for more than 10 minutes at a time, and other comorbities to say the least. I am existing at this point, not living. My doctor suggested it was a good time to look into a surgical intervention. I remember saying to him, "does this mean you are going to wire my jaw shut?" With a slight pause and a bit of a giggle, he said not it does not. Today was the first day I had ever heard of such a procedure called Gastric Bypass Surgery. Of course we have all heard the term "stomach stapling" or "obesity surgery" yet to put the name in action, I was immediately intriqued.

Since that day, I have been researching on-line, at the library, and with other people involved in the Bariatric Surgery program, whether they are choosing to go with the Gastric Banding commonly known as "Lap Band" or the more invasive procedure of Gastric Bypass Surgery. I found myself for the past year teeter-tottering back and forth looking for everyone and anyone to give me the "right" answer to my surgery dilemma. This was my first huge mistake. I now realize that I need to make the decision that is right for me, and me only. I have made a final decision to have Bariatic Bypass Surgery which is empowering especially at this point when I have never had control over food. In all honesty food has controlled me.

My earliest thougths revolve around food. It seemed like everything I ate was under scrutiny. Often times I found myself sneaking to eat something that I knew i shouldnt, or that would one day lead me to the place I am at now, or should I say was at when I started this journey of 412 pounds. Obesity leads to depression and total loss of hope in all aspects of your life. Through the years I probably could not list one person that would say, "Eric is an unhappy person". Reason being, I always put on my happy face. Which in all reality is quite contraire to how I truly felt on the inside. Hopeless. Morbidly obese as I was and still am has caused nothing but pain and suffering in my life and I have had to wear a mask of humility all of this years. Its now time to change my path in which I have total control.
Truth be known I sometimes feel like the worst critic when it comes to weight issues. When I see someone whom is morbidly obese, it makes me take a look at my own self and start to feel angered and helpless, to the point that I want to say something to them to get the spark going just like it happened for me, way back when at my doctors visit. However, thats not reality. You have to be ready to make change in your own life when you are ready or it will not be successful. For years I was a cigarette smoker. I started very light and social, and ended with a 17 year, 2 pack a day habit. I would contstantly hear from friends and family that I have to quit smoking due to my health, and in fact made me smoke more. Call it rebellion or retalitory, however I needed to stop for me, and not anyone else. As of January of 2008 I have been cigarette free by choice and truly enjoy breathing.

On December 5th, 2008 I attended Step One: Introduction to Bariatric Surgery session at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center. As I walked into Auditorium A, I was both shocked and relieved. I was shocked by how many people were in the room, and relieved that I was not the only morbidly obese person choosing to change their life. Candidates for bariatric surgery at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center must attend an Introduction to the DHMC Bariatric Surgery Program session before entering their program. This is a two-hour session where members of the Bariatric Surgery Team explain the DHMC specific program requirements, discuss types of weight loss surgery offered, and answer questions. A representative from Patient Financial Services discussed insurance guidelines. No pre-registration was required. You are welcome to bring family members or friends for support. This seminar is specifically geared for the DHMC Bariatric Surgery Program patients. Information presented at this meeting pertains ONLY to DHMC bariatric surgery patients.

This meeting was the very foundation that I needed to take my mind to the place that it needed to be. There were questions varying from huge to minor. I had 2 thing to say. The first was a comment. Several of the people in the room were unable to weight themselves at home and get a true reading, as most scales only register up to 350 lbs. I had to chuckle and empathize, as I was dealing with the same thing. That is until my partner Kent, showed me a way to be able to weigh myself at home, until my weight gets under the 350lb mark. He had me stand on two scales, one leg on each, added both numbers together, and bingo. My weight was off by only 2 lbs at my doctors visit. Everyone in the room, including the DHMC staff was amazed that we did that. Most were thankful. The second thing that I had to say, was I was truly terrified at the risks involved in Bariatic Bypass Surgery. Dr. Laycock one of the surgeons in the Bariatic program responded, " the risks are to stay obese, not to undergo my procedure". Truly a lightbulb moment for me. Hes completely right. I made it through the introductory session unscathed.

After much thought and sleepless nights, I mailed in my $250.00 (non-refundable)registration fee on January 9th of 2009. The Bariatric Program Fee includes unlimited access to RemedyMD online website and email contact with program staff and other patients via patient forum and chat rooms. Also includes educational seminars and amterials. Now it bacame real. I am truly registered and enrolled in the program. This is the first day I have felt good in a very long time. Good in the sense that I am gaining back some control that I had truly lost over my eating and food choices. Patients who are under the age of 24 or over age 60, have serious heart, lung, liver or kidney disease, who have or have had cancer must be cleared by the Bariatric Surgery Team prior to registering. They must send in a recent comprehensive history and physical exam and note from their primary care doctor supporting the decision to proceed with bariatric surgery. Patients who have had cancer must have a clearance from their oncologist.


Step Two: Patient Financial Services


Patient Financial Services should be contacted PRIOR to registering for the program.

Step Three: Mail in Registration Fee

Step Four: Register Online

Step Five: Program Packet and Checklist

Step Six: Bariatric Educational Seminars

Step Six is to view online three Bariatric Educational Seminars.

Step Seven: Weight Loss

Step Seven: Ongoing weight loss is highly encouraged. We have a "no weight gain" policy from Program entry.

Pre-operative weight loss allows you to enter surgery in a healthier condition and demonstrates your commitment to making nutritional and lifestyle changes.

Tips for Weight Loss

Begin reading labels on food products. Look at the amount of fat, calories, sugar, and carbohydrates in the foods you are eating. Our bodies need a variety of protein, fat, and carbohydrates but any of these nutrients in excess can lead to additional weight gain. Learn more about label-reading from the US Food and Drug Administration, the American Diabetes Association, and lifeclinic.
Eliminate or decrease beverages high in sugar, such as regular soda, juice (including "No Sugar Added" juice), and Kool-Aid. Even Gatorade and V-8 are not sugar-free. Begin to try sugar-free products and artificial sweeteners, such as Equal, Sweet-n-Low, or Splenda.
Switch to lower-fat products. Avoid fried foods and butter/margarine. Try a nonfat butter spray, such as "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" margarine spray, on vegetables, toast, etc. Cook with small amounts of olive or canola oil, or try a nonfat cooking spray. Be cautious, since a "low-fat" label may not necessarily mean low calorie, such as "low-fat" cookies.
Try to eat three regular meals per day, and limit snacks to when you are actually hungry.
Keep a record of everything you put in your mouth throughout the day, and then evaluate how frequently and how much you are eating. The fitday website offers a free online membership, which can calculate the amount of calories, fat, protein, carbohydrate, and even some vitamins/minerals you get from the foods you eat.
Try smaller portion sizes, using smaller plates, smaller utensils, and taking more time to chew your food. You may find you are actually very satisfied with a smaller portion of food.
Decrease food availability. Avoid putting pots of food on the table at a mealtime, which encourages eating without hunger. Put leftovers away before you begin to eat, and only have a second portion if you are actually hungry.
Purchasing individual-sized portions or smaller packages of foods can help to control or decrease caloric intake. Avoid bringing more than you need to the table or sitting room when snacking or eating a meal.
Increasing activity, as tolerated and directed by your primary care physician (family doctor), can help you lose and maintain weight loss. If you have specific limitations, do what you can. There are different exercises for upper body and lower body, as well as some exercises you can do sitting in a chair. Some activities, like swimming, do not put as much pressure on joints. Find opportunities during your day to be more active, such as parking your car further away, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and getting up to change the channel on the TV, instead of using the remote.

Step Eight: Evaluations

Step Nine: Final Instructions


Today is April 29th 2010 and I have intently been working on Step 7: Weight Loss since January 2009. I am also working on Step 8: evaluations. I have my first visit with the Bariatric Surgery Program nurse practitioner and dietitian in May. I am really exited for this process to continue forward. It has been a very long journey from that first day at the information seminar to this present moment. The weight loss has been an amazing struggle for me. At my weight, exercise is not in my vocabulary. Incorporating movement into my life has been a very slow process. When I began this journey in January, I weighed 412 pounds. Today i am 377. I weigh in at the dr's office once a month. Tomorrow April 20th is my weigh in for April. I am hoping for a loss. My 6th month doctor monitored diet and weight loss will be completed at the end of June this year. My projected goal for surgery will be either end of July or August of 2010.

I wish i would of started this journey sooner, but just like with my weight and eating habits, I pretended they didnt really exist. Also, I am not one to journal on a regular basis, which is why many of my diet attempts have been unsuccessful. Its all about accountability and what you choose to do with the informed choices placed before you. My intenions are to write here daily. Stay tuned for tomorrows updated weight and other notes of interest.